Mardi Gras Mambo, 2014

In New Orleans, the shortest month of the year has some amazing moments!  How many places in the country does work stop for an entire week of revelry?  A week dedicated purely to returning to childlikeness.  I know of absolutely nowhere, at 50+, you get away with wearing a tutu and a hot pink wig.  Not that I did this, but many of my friends did.

It’s an interesting cultural phenomenon called Mardi Gras.  As a member of one of the largest all women’s krewes, Carnival is embedded in my NOLA experience.  As much as I try and resist bead clamoring, I go home many evenings wondering why my back hurts.  Is it the jumping up and down screaming, me, me, me…or more likely that I am wearing every big bead thrown in my direction.  To the dismay of my friends, I have been known to snatch beads out of thin air.  You have to be incredibly strategic as you move along St. Charles with the floats.  I practice my Strengths Quest profile along the parade route.

• Strategic: Sidewalk or Neutral Ground? Always looking for alternative routes while snaking through the crowd
• Maximizer: Who can help me get the best beads?  Make sure to share the bounty!
• Activator: Keep up with the ACTION, which means hydrate often; enlist assistance with guarding your stake along the route!
• Ideation:  Remain fascinated by folks sharing in the Mardi Gras tradition. Pay careful attention not to jostle a ladder.
• Connectedness:   Every event has a reason and Mardi Gras is a celebration of all that is distinctively NOLA.

Once another season of Carnival is over, we begin to look forward to spring renewal; a wonderful move from Fat Tuesday to Ash Wednesday.  This is a time for reflection on the gifts we’ve been given and the gifts we can give to one another.  I do not think of this as so much a time of sacrifice, but a time of cleansing mind, body and spirit.  May your Lenten season be a time of reflection, thanksgiving and love.

Capstone

“We don’t know all the reasons that propel us on a spiritual journey, but somehow our life compels us to go.  Something in us knows that we are not just here to toil at our work.  There is a mysterious pull to remember.”

-Jack Kornfield, from After the Ecstasy, the Laundry.

Last weekend was the “capstone” experience for the 18 month Ignatian Colleague Program.  In preparation for this formal ending, we were invited to reflect on what the program meant both personally and professionally. 

First of all, I’d like to publically thank President Kevin W. Wildes, SJ and Vice President for Mission & Ministry, Ted Dziak, SJ for their support and encouragement.  I would also like to thank the Student Affairs team who graciously stepped in during my time away from the office. 

Our study on discernment was particularly meaningful; Fr. Nicholas’ address was exceptional. While the four pre-requisites for good decision making made good sense, they also promoted sufficient challenges:

1.     A community of shared values
2.     Freedom
3.     Generosity
4.     Selflessness

The above points are fraught with various political outcomes.  In an ideal community, given that the four points are uniformly embraced by all members, good decision making would certainly be easier to enact.

The beauty of our institution is that many are drawn for mission-centric reasons, and for the noble purpose of teaching and service.  I was especially moved by Nicholas’ quote:  “The people in community need not all think alike, because when everyone easily agrees, probably not everyone is thinking.  BUT the members of the community need to have the same fundamental values, because if they don’t have the same values, they cannot arrive at the same objectives.”

Good decision making must also incorporate ‘freedom.’  The process of arriving at a good decision needs to provide opportunities for inclusion and expression (the good, the bad and the ugly) without penalty.  Once a vetted decision is reached, if it isn’t the one you favored, you support the collective decision.  This is the ideal use of positional power.

Generosity of skill, talent, and resources must be available for good decisions to be manifested.  This is especially difficult in financially troubling times.  We must fight our natural desire to ‘have enough.’  This is very similar to selflessness, giving what is needed with no regard for what is being given up for “the greater good.”

Balancing both an educated mind and intuitive soulfulness is a God given gift, and I am grateful.

The Lighthouse

Two weeks ago, I had the privilege of visiting the Eastern Point Retreat Center in Gloucester, MA. I went on an 8 day silent retreat with some of my cohorts in the Ignatian Colleagues Program. Here’s a small part of what I learned.

One thing the rocks of Gloucester, MA taught me is every step has a consequence. These grand boulders are not for folks with weak knees, back issues, or lacking good balance. Every rock counts. Every step matters.

When the seals arrived, I knew that I would make a careful trek down the rocks. Some rocks were dry, some covered in algae, and all took calculation. Sr. Irene stood watching the seals, watched me begin my climb. It took me nearly 90 minutes roundtrip and she never left her post. In the middle of my climb, when I was most certain that I’d made a poor choice, I turned back to see if someone was nearby in case of a fall. There she stood by the shore, like a lighthouse and gave me a slight wave.

Her presence sent me further, with more confidence and renewed energy. Once again I turned, and she was still standing her ground.
Lighthouses come in all shapes and sizes; dotted along the coast, few sea lovers can resist the pull to visit. Perhaps just the words “light” and “house” conjure up a sense of safe passage and security. Maybe in some wayward sense, we need our own lighthouse or at least someone willing to hold the light for us.

Who stands for you, offering you light? Who do you stand for with watchful eyes? These questions followed me as later in the day I laid on a warm rock in the sun.

I didn’t know Sr. Irene, only through passing one another in the halls of the Eastern Point Retreat Center. We were both on our own spiritual journeys; hers a 30 day retreat, mine only 8 days…both silent. But I felt a connection and before leaving I knew we’d become friends.

She’d been my lighthouse and I am grateful.

Nuevo Amancecer (New Dawn)

"In the eyes of the children the future of hope and promise lives.
Laughter rings in an unfinished school yard.
It echoes in my mind, as I think of our state-of- the art gym. 
No cares as one small girl twirls across a barren field,
and a young boy chases a barely inflated ball.
Teachers beam with pride and passion.
All eyes bright, while envisioning the new dawn."

This summer I accompanied 19 colleagues from other American Jesuit, Catholic colleges to Nicaragua. Our immersion trip presented opportunities to experience solidarity with the Nicaraguan people, their culture, their history and our collective future.

Each morning in the relative safety of our hotel, surrounded by barbed wire I drank coffee and tried to capture my feelings from the previous day. It’s one thing to travel to a third world country and only see the first world tourist side, this had been my experience. Many times I’ve left the airport, through cities and countryside only to arrive at a beautiful location for tourists. This trip I felt more like a pilgrim. While there certainly weren’t hardships for us, emotionally I was now seeing things from “the inside out.” I am clearly embracing the idea that our collective wellbeing is tied to one another.

We were well prepared for the trip, having spent time reading, journaling and talking to our cohorts by phone. As a group we bonded well, enjoying the camaraderie of a lived, shared experience. Each evening we gathered to share what we saw and how it moved us. The beauty, in the shared reflections, was the ability to immerse ourselves in other’s experiences.

We met amazing strong women of faith, those who’d been through the Sandinista revolution, and those that teach at the nearby Fe Y Alegria Jesuit School. They were articulate, passionate and strong in spite of often desperate living and eating conditions. We met talented craftsmen and women who again had deep pride in their work, their art. In our travels, we witnessed homes bare to the elements; school-aged children doing homework under a tarp in the rain. Most often, in all of our conversations and meetings, I was struck by familial ties, and pride in their work. It was a privilege to be with them.

My experiences are still with me. I continue to sift what it all means, and what I will do with all I’ve seen and heard. I left Nicaragua having a deeper appreciation of the Jesuit commitment to a faith that does justice. The painting above is one I purchased in Esteli, Nicaragua. It spoke to me. The poem I wrote on my return. I hope it speaks to you.

Wisdom for a Good Life

For the Class of 2013

Wisdom For A Good Life

As you

go out

to remake

the world,

I offer

the following

bits of

wisdom—

keep learning,

stay awake

to amazement,

be kind

rather

than right.

And, remember,

while you

might not

agree

with this now,

being loved

is

better

than being

rich. (author unknown)

Go out and set the world on fire!

Loyola in the Spring Time

“Today a new sun rises for me; everything is animated, everything seems to speak to me of my passion, everything invites me to cherish it.”  - Anne De Lenclos

This is one of the most beautiful times of the year. The weather is nearly perfect. The summer heat is a hint but not a reality and we live with no immediate concern of hurricane season. On campus, students are content to study under trees, laying on lawns or sitting in our Adirondack chairs. There is an occasional sound of a lawn mower and the physical plant continuing to beautify our campus.

April is a hugely busy time at Loyola. I have this theory that September and April are the two cornerstones of the academic year. In September we launch…classes, programs, seminars, field trips, study abroad, events, athletic contests, art shows, theater productions, music recitals and it goes on and on. It is a robust calendar demonstrating our excitement about the start of a new year. In similar fashion, April is the month equally full…and we can’t possibly let students leave the university without one more concert, one last student awards convocation, one last lecture. Both months represent an immense commitment to making sure that students have their fill of the wonderful world called the academy.

This morning the sun is high, the azaleas are in bloom. The day is full of promise. At noon our athletic department hosts the annual golf tournament fundraiser at Audubon Park; the French Quarter fest is in full swing; clubs and organizations are throwing a crawfish bash and by Sundayall attention will be on studying for finals.

As for me, I am grateful this morning for the privilege working at a university brings; I can’t wait for the joy of May graduation.

Mardi Gras Mambo 2013

In New Orleans, the shortest month of the year has some amazing moments! How many places in the country does work stop for an entire week of revelry? A week dedicated purely to returning to childlikeness. I know of absolutely nowhere, at 50+, you get away with wearing a tutu and a hot pink wig. Not that I did this, but many of my friends did.

It’s an interesting cultural phenomenon called Mardi Gras. As a member of one of the largest all women’s krewes, Carnival is embedded in my NOLA experience. As much as I try and resist bead clamoring, I go home many evenings wondering why my back hurts. Is it the jumping up and down screaming, me, me, me…or more likely that I am wearing every big bead thrown in my direction. To the dismay of my friends, I have been known to snatch beads out of thin air. You have to be incredibly strategic as you move along St. Charles with the floats. I practice my Strengths Quest profile along the parade route.

• Strategic: Sidewalk or Neutral Ground? Always looking for alternative routes while snaking through the crowd
• Maximizer : Who can help me get the best beads? Make sure to share the bounty!
• Activator: Keep up with the ACTION, which means hydrate often; enlist assistance with guarding your stake along the route!
• Ideation: Remain fascinated by folks sharing in the Mardi Gras tradition. Pay careful attention not to jostle a ladder.
• Connectedness: Every event has a reason and Mardi Gras is a celebration of all that is distinctively NOLA.

Another season of Carnival is over and we begin to look forward to spring renewal; a wonderful move from Fat Tuesday to Ash Wednesday. This is a time for reflection on the gifts we’ve been given and the gifts we can give to one another. I do not think of this as so much a time of sacrifice, but a time of cleansing mind, body and spirit. May your Lenten season be a time of reflection, thanksgiving and love.

30 Days Hath September, April, June and November

The latest challenge floating around Facebook is posting each day--through the month of November--what you are thankful for in your life.  This challenge seemed easy enough; although I didn’t see it until November 3, so I had some catching up to do.  It wasn’t hard and it doesn’t have to be grand. 

In the first few days I was thankful for time with friends, a drive to the coast, and waking up early, coffee in bed, pups sleeping and a stack of holiday catalogs.  This morning was different.  I thought about Thanksgiving as celebrating the harvest. It reminded me that we often reap what we sow; to everything there is a season, and quickly the seasons change.

Thanksgiving is a time of reflection; a time when friends and family gather and share traditions. My thoughts often wander to folks far away, in distance and heart, and I flat out miss them. I wish for all, a full harvest.  In the midst of a holiday, it may be easy to be grateful for 30 days; it’s much harder to pull it off as a way of living. 

Thirty days hath September, April, June, and November. All the rest have thirty-one, Excepting February alone, And that has twenty-eight days clear, And twenty-nine in each leap year, days become months and the seasons pass.

Cissy and Liz

It took years for me to recognize the gift next to me.  Almost three years separating us and different from the start; I didn’t much think of her as a friend growing up.  Today, I am grateful for a sister, who has known my best and worse self. In our early 30’s, with both parents having died, we chose to be family and friends.  She is proud of me; she is a fierce protector, and cheerleader. We have worked on our sister-bond for 20 years. We began to appreciate our similarities and our differences; live and let live!  What made us distant as children is a very faint memory.  We choose to celebrate successes and joys, comfort one another during sad times, and offer each other a measure of grace.

What have I discovered?  The harvest is ready when you are ready.

All Hail, Niki Rudolph!

In New Orleans when we love something or someone or feel a large measure of gratitude we use the phrase: All Hail. So today, after the month long celebration of women SSAOs I’d like to collectively say: All Hail, Niki Rudolph.

Her involvement in the on-line and IRL communities of WLSALT, SAwomenlead, and the Women’s Leadership Insititute (WLI) are extraordinary. True to the mission, Niki has been immersed in supporting, affirming, lifting and transforming.

Have you been to Niki’s blog, “The Courage For Mine?” I invite you to take a good, long look. www.nikirudolph.com What you’ll find is a perfect example of intent and behavior matching; in other words, why it is so easy to trust Niki.

She opens her blog with Ayn Rand’s quote, “Show me your achievement – and the knowledge will give me courage for mine.” Beautiful! The quote highlights perfectly why Niki would take on the daunting task of celebrating 31 Senior Student Affairs Officers. She did it because she thoughtfully balances the wonderful skill of recognizing and celebrating others strengths and talents. Niki takes joy in seeing others passion and fire for their work; and enjoys igniting that and developing it in others.

Niki exudes a burning bright love of learning. Yes, she loves books, and too, she is infectious with her inquisitive nature. She listens well; she seeks opinions, rolls them around and returns them to the sender for more introspection. She’s an idea gal, a gatherer of sorts, a keen observer on all things student affairs and stuff that holds dreams and life time goals. If you know Niki, you know how large a heart she has, so it’s no surprise it can hold both the keen and important.

Niki is flat out fun. Her smile invites you to want to know her better. The invitation exists because as she says, the more she learns of others well-doing and well- being; the more courage it gives her to live her best self.

Igniting passion for her profession, the joy she gets from lighting up student engagement suggests that Niki Rudolph has found “the space between the logs.”
How grateful we are for her burning love of life and learning. This one’s for you, Niki with thanksgiving!

Fire

What makes a fire burn
in space between the logs,
a breathing space.
Too much of a good thing,
too many logs
packed into tight
can douse the flames
almost as surely
as a pail of water would.

So building fires
requires attention
to the spaces in between,
as much as to the wood.

When we are able to build
open spaces
in the same way
we have learned
to pile on the logs,
then we can come to see how
it is fuel, and absence of fuel
together, that makes fire possible.

We only need to lay a log
lightly from time to time.

A fire
grows
simply because the space is there,
with openings
in which the flame
that knows just how it wants to burn
can find its way.
-Judy Brown

Thanks Giving

Once you are Real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.

            --Margery Williams

Several years ago, I received The Velveteen Rabbit as a Christmas gift. It has long been a favorite of mine and especially poignant on the topic of authenticity or being Real. If you are a fan of the book as well, you’ll remember the conversations between The Velveteen Rabbit and the Old Skin Horse. One particular conversation about being Real went like this:

“Real isn’t how you are made. It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.” 

Old Skin Horse understands transformational love. He explains to The Velveteen Rabbit that real love encompasses real experiences (both good and bad) over real time. Old Skin Horse goes on to share:

“Generally by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real, you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

Becoming Real is hard work. Becoming Real means that it isn’t all play time. Becoming Real involves facing loss, hardships, and challenges, and owning our imperfections. Becoming Real is no easy game; it is a way of growing into our authentic selves. 

Like Rabbit most of us want to know if becoming Real hurts. 

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.” Rabbit asks, “Does it happen all at once, like being wound up, or bit by bit?” “It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.

“I suppose you are real?” said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive.

But the Skin Horse only smiled.

Here’s to our journey of being Real together.

May Day

A tradition for many hundreds of years, May Day Baskets are popular among children and meant to demonstrate the joy of gift giving.

The history of May Day dates back to pre-Christian Europe as a tribute to Flora, the Roman goddess of flowers. Flower -centric festivals are customary still today. Often popular among children, the first day of May has slowly evolved into a celebration of giving, once referred to as “bringing in the May.”

The tradition of May Day begins with a basket or container brimming with flowers and small gifts. The May Day basket is quietly and secretly placed on the doorstep of a neighbor or loved one, demonstrating the gift of giving without receiving. (Victorian Magazine)

When I was young, I left flowers on the door step of my home, rang the door bell and then ran away. When I was older, I sent flowers to my mom every May 1. She’s no longer with me, but when I see fresh flowers on May 1 I am instantly transported to that 6 year old, eager self that only wanted to surprise her.

Today, a friend sent me flowers…out of the blue…and I was grateful! Make someone’s day…

April Showers: The Loss of a Friend

Have you ever met someone and felt an affinity right away? Whether it was easy banter, or a knowing smile while “people watching” and silently agreeing on a “glamour don’t?” Haven’t you met someone that could both madden and gladden you in a space of several minutes? Does the laughter of someone ring in your ears?

I was privileged to have that kind of friendship with Cole Pratt who passed away this week. The last email he sent me several days before his sudden death puts our relationship into perspective, and so I share it with you:

From: Cissy Petty [mailto:mlpetty@loyno.edu] 
Sent: Friday, April 11, 2008 9:27 AM
To: Cole Pratt
Subject: RE: 
Next time! What a great dinner gathering. Hate to miss it. what are you all doing this weekend? french quarter fest? strawberry festival? hanging out at your beautiful home? C

From: Cole Pratt [mailto:cole@coleprattgallery.com] 
Sent: Friday, April 11, 2008 9:32 AM
To: Cissy Petty
Subject: RE: 
Why, Do you want to come over so that I can invite people to entertain you then leave me hanging? HA! HA! HA!!!!!

From: Cissy Petty 
Sent: Friday, April 11, 2008 
To: Cole Pratt 
Subject:RE:
You make me laugh.
Let’s see...how to make it up to you...
Let me count the ways...

I counted on Cole. I don’t count on many people, and ours was a new friendship. But I counted on Cole. He was the first friend made when moving to New Orleans almost 2 years ago. He insisted on including us in everything that he and his partner, Roy concocted. Most of the time it entailed eating, drinking, and merriment. Cole Pratt defined “merriment.” Part of that “merriment” was captured in Cole’s affinity for the pirate life! He could hoist. With a loud “arrr” Cole introduced everyone to his world, and invited them to be a part of the whole. He epitomized the romantic swashbuckler. Skip Williams defines swashbuckler this way: Just about everyone is familiar with the classic swashbuckler -- a flashy combatant who lives by his wits and literally dives into combat. But a swashbuckler can be much more than just a character that looks good in a fight. He might be a tireless do-gooder, a fun-loving reveler, a wisecracking vagabond, a rebel, a pugnacious adventurer who won't sit still when insulted, or some combination of these. I can hear his laughter, even now, over this description. In that slow, southern, Mississippi drawl…he’d say “Cissy, enough about me…tell me what you think about me.”

He was someone I’d have walked the plank with and laughed as we hit rock bottom. Smooth sailing, my friend. 

March Equinox: Equal Light and Equal Darkness

March has a feel all its own. It goes back to that “lion and lamb” analogy. Winds blowing, spring on the horizon with a rainbow in our pockets. What does this month have to teach us?

Ralph Waldo Emerson, in his work Laws of Nature, wrote “before a leaf-bud has burst, its whole life acts: in full-blown flower there is no more; in the leafless root there is no more; in the leafless root there is no less. Its nature is satisfied and it satisfies nature in all moments alike. There is no time to it. But man postpones or remembers; he does not live in the present, but with reverted eye laments the past, or, heedless of the riches that surround him, stands on tiptoe to foresee the future. He cannot be happy and strong until he too lives with nature in the present, above time.” Why is it so difficult for any of us to stay in the now? The memories of the past are powerful. The mind plays-off “what if” with “I should have” and constantly pulls our attention away from the moment before us.

It’s either about me or you or us and all the judgments of the past. There is no freedom. There is no currency. What we are left with are feelings of regret, blame, guilt, and shame sprinkled with our infrequent moments of glory. In essence, we have either retreated to a former place and time or reverted to old experiences, the good, the bad and the ugly. And if not for the thoughts of “what might have been” pulling us...then it’s the thoughts of “what might be” pushing us. Again, there is no freedom. There is no currency. We have our lives on hold.

We wait for the moment the winds of change die down or the rain in our fields dry up. We hover trying to glimpse the rainbow before the light has an opportunity to burst forth from the clouds. We anticipate the best and the worst. We lose our ability to see any gift before us because we are certain the gift of value is yet to come.

I am learning that we lose our connection to our central self by living in the past and future. All the thoughts of what might have been or what is yet to be become who we are today.

We miss being present. 
We miss the gifts.
We miss being free, like a leafless root.
The only restoration to our self starts now. 

What Do You Love?

February is the love month. It starts with the anticipation of Valentine’s Day.

Ever since we were all in grade school we couldn’t wait to carry home a shoebox full of “be mine” valentines. We naturally think of “who” we love during this time, not so much about “what” we love.

In January, I started re-reading the book “Simple Abundance” by Sarah Ban Breathnach. I first read it in 1997 during a particularly painful time in my life. It is hard to believe it’s been 11 years since my first reading. I had my heart broken in 1997. It took almost two years for me to recover my bearings, to be able to sing my made-up songs in the mornings and to believe that I would indeed love again. I know this part of my story is not unique. Many of us fall in and out of love over our lifetime. What helped me regain my positive perspective was Breathnach’s approach to gratitude, and too, knowing it’s not always about “whom” you love, but knowing “what” you love.

I read a saying the other day and put it on my bulletin board: “The key to loving how you live is knowing what it is you truly love.” Part of knowing what you love is listening to that still, small voice within. It happens all the time…you see a painting and are moved to draw closer…you read a poem and feel tears well, heart touched…you are drawn to certain colors that remind you of special times...Knowing what you love is about trusting your own instincts, your gut, your heart, the spirit that leads you. Sarah says “you’ll know what you love the moment you see it. It’s that familiar “wow” reaction. Trust the impulse, capture the encounter, and record the clues.” This she says leads you on the journey of knowing what it is you truly love.

Knowing what you love is also about not being swayed by the opinions of others. So you like stripes and plaids together—go for it! Wear it well. You like the color fuchsia, when everyone else is screaming beige. Go for the gusto. You love the mornings; your partner hates them—celebrate the sunrise alone without being lonely. You want to be a theater major and your folks desperately want you to love accounting. Acknowledge to them that you realize you have to earn a living to support the life that you love. Remember the old saying, “life is not a dress rehearsal.”

Some folks believe the still, small voice inside is intuition. Others believe it is the way God speaks to us. When you know what you truly love you are living in that space which is your calling…your desired present and future. Part of knowing what you truly love is discovering your authentic self. It’s not about loving someone else. It is about loving yourself. Oscar Wilde once said, “to love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” So for the month of February, as we walk by the aisles of valentine cards begging to be bought, Breathnach says “the most essential question we can ask is: what is it that we truly love? Be patient. We aren’t going to overhaul our lives, our homes, and our wardrobes in a week. Trust that your authentic life will unfold naturally and with grace.”